Fourteen Minute Path Of Silence
Overview
The Fourteen Minute Path Of Silence (or simply "The Path") is a meditation method developed by supervillain Comrade Silencio designed to offer an alternative to knowledge gained by reading. The Path is the preferred meditation technique of the ZEBRA Death Squad, as it fits comfortably in their anti-literacy dogma.
History
Comrade Silencio claims to have discovered the secrets of The Path while in Sumatra on a secret mission for the Chinese, or possibly Russian, government. It was on this mission that he met the ninja assassins known only as Thong and Bung. Comrade Silencio was impressed with the ninjas' capacity for silence, and began to use a stopwatch to time the length of their silences. Interestingly, the mere act of timing the silent periods caused the ninjas to become so self-aware of their silence that it became increasingly difficult to maintain that silence.
Silencio, Thong, and Bung became a band of hired mercenaries, but also began formulating the meditation technique that became the Fourteen Minute Path Of Silence. Being a fan of food and frivolity, Silencio incorporated multiple celebrations to commemorate his followers' ability to follow The Path.
The ZEBRA Death Squad
Attention all fools! The ranks of the ZEBRA Death Squad continue to swell in numbers. Unfortunately, they also continue to swell in foolishness! Our War on Literacy has advanced, and we are educating many fools about the error of their continued embrace of written language. The next stage of our war includes providing an alternative to the fool masses for reading that is less foolish. That is why I have recruited Comrade Silencio, a Russo-Chinese expert on the Japanese art of Ninjitsu, as well as an adept of the Sumatran tennents of the Fourteen Minute Path Of Silence. He has agreed to join the ZEBRA Death Squad in order to spread his teachings, which he has assured me do not include any foolish reading! All ZDS officers and troopers will be required to attend his seminar on the Fourteen Minute Path! That is all. Hail Zebra!-Agent Arbez, in a speech to the ZEBRA Death Squad, January 1, 2007.
In 2006, Comrade Silencio was contacted via mime-a-gram by the Rogue Island-based supervillain Agent Arbez, who wanted to hire Silencio and his team to join her terrorist organization the ZEBRA Death Squad (ZDS).
The ZDS were engaged in anti-literacy operations, but Arbez found that her own troopers and lackeys were having difficulty in avoiding reading printed words. Arbez hoped that by presenting the Fourteen Minute Path to the ZDS, it would provide an alternative to reading for the group, and possibly expand it to the populace at large when the inevitable ZEBRA take-over of the Rogue Islands was completed.
Comrade Silencio's oral presentations to the ZEBRA followers became very popular, especially due to the abundance of festivities following the successful, or occassionally unsuccessful, completion of a portion of The Path by any member of the ZDS. The number of feasts and parades have occassionally stretched the ZDS treasury, causing the group to have to rob more banks in order to fund Comrade Silencio's activities. This has led to tension between Agent Arbez and Comrade Silencio.
Details of The Path
Each minute of The Path that is completed by an adherant is celebrated in some way. These celebrations occur after each minute is completed, so in general the entire fourteen minutes do not have to be completed one minute immediately following the other, although the Fourth Minute must be completed immediately following the Third Minute.
Clandestine notes taken at a ZDS rally on Mercy Island have revealled the following details, straight from the mouth of Comrade Silencio:
- "Embark upon The Path by remaining silent for One Minute. Once this step has been mastered, there shall be feasting in your honor, as well as a parade of musicians, Shriners, and you closest comrades. If you are unable to remain silent for the entire interminable minute, then the feasting and parade shall be held in honor of your attempt at embarking upon the Silent Path."
- "Continue along the path by remaining silent for a Second Interminable Minute! The enemies of silence will attempt to make you veer from the path. Silence them with tar and shuriken! Take a break here. A feast may be in order to mark the successful completion of the Second Minute."
- "Embark upon the Third Interminable Minute. Here The Path may begin to become difficult. However, the spirit of those named Thong who have passed on before you will be near to guide you. Thong #3 was a fierce warrior who unleashed many shuriken and kicks upon the enemies of Silencio."
- "The Fourth Interminable Minute of The Path Of Silence must be attempted as soon as the Third has been completed! Here you will be joined by the Spirit of Thong #4, who was knocked from The Path by the many enemies of silence. His noble sacrfice will make it possible you to complete the Fourth Interminable Minute. The Parade of Thong will be held to celebrate your completetion of two consecutive minutes of silence, as well as honor the departed Thongs who helped along this section of the path. The Feast of Thong follows. The Spirits of Thong would be greatly honored if you were to consume an entire pork shoulder in their honor."
Details of other minutes are unknown, and it is possible that only Thong and Bung have successfully completed The Path beyond the Fourth Interminable Minute.
