Life Outside The Big City 1
Life Outside the Big City Issue 1 By Kid Bang
They say there are over a million stories in the big city. You know what I say? No one wants to read those stories. What does Paragon City have? Freedom Phalanx? Ha! More like Fascist Phalanx. When your team’s leaders should be collecting social security, it’s time to hang up the capes. Vindicators? This is the group that accepted WOODSMAN!!! Obviously their standards are a little low. And those are the top of the pile!! There are tons of smaller heroes running around in tights and capes getting in each other’s way in their efforts to save the world and get on the 6’O Clock Nightly News.
BORING!!
My name’s Kid Bang. Growing up in King’s Row, all the other kids wanted to be Statesman or Back Alley Brawler. Me? I wanted to be the bad guy. I even had a homemade Hamidon costume. Just a little tip to anyone thinking of trying this at home, colored cellophane does not breathe well. My parents kept hoping I would grow out of it, but it never quite happened.
When I was 16 years old, that’s when I saw him! Dressed in the most amazing black and green costume, it was Really Big Bang. He landed right in front of King’s Row First National Bank, tore right through the police and Longbow and robbed the place in broad daylight. It would have been the most impressive thing I’d ever seen if some punk hero didn’t hit him from behind. It’s just shameful that they can call themselves heroes, but they always have to resort to cheap shots like that.
That was when I realized, I wanted to be just like him. Now, unfortunately, I’m not a genius like RBB. He invented all his sonic devices himself. I couldn’t even pass high school physics. So I asked around, trying to find the best way to “get an origin.” I ended up making contact with a few Circle of Thorn acolytes. The deal was the Circle of Thorns would help me gain super powers, and I would work for them to pay it off. Seemed simple enough at the time. As you can tell, I was a real dumb teenager.
The cool part? I was more than a pale imitation of the Original Banger. Not only did I get sonics, I also have some control over hellfire. This tends to be a little unpredictable. Sometimes I can heal people, sometimes I can turn invisible, and for one strange week, I sprouted some wicked-looking dragon wings. I kind of miss those!
The not-so-cool part? Working for the Circle of Thorns was a bit of a nightmare. Soul repossession and demonic rituals were definitely not what I was expecting from life as a super villain. So after a year of this, I decided to get the hell out of there. No pun intended.
Turns out the Circle of Thorns weren’t okay with me tendering my resignation. They quickly recaptured me, and it looked like I was gonna be next on the “human sacrifice” list. And that’s how I met the Bone Snappers.
The Bone Snappers are a small group that operates around the islands. The name is pretty lame, but after Kingpin of Crime took the group over, they decided to keep the name. I guess if you can make the name “The Bone Snappers” sound threatening, then you really are a force to be feared. I guess.
When I met them, the team’s leadership consisted of Kingpin of Crime, Kral-Raiden, Doctor Infinite, and REALLY BIG BANG!! I’ll probably talk more about these great guys in future blogs. For now, all you need to know is that they saved me from the Circle of Thorns. They happened to be raiding the cave I was being held in, and brought me along with them.
Immediately, they saw just how much potential I had as a villain and asked me to join. Well, okay, at first they were just trying to ransom me back to my parents, but they didn’t want me either. Really Big Bang convinced them to keep me around, and he even mentored me for a few months before he decided to go into semi-retirement.
So, that’s the beginning of my story. Over the next few weeks, I’m gonna show you what it’s like to live on the Isles. Paragon City gets too much press as is, and it’s time to show the world that Rogue Isles is really the place to be. And maybe someday, you’ll be ready to pattern your life after me. I think Kid Kid Bang has a nice ring to it.
