Life Outside the Big City 2

Life Outside the Big City Number 2 by Kid Bang

Dear City Scoop,

I am writing this letter to address some rumors that have been floating around about me.

Yes, it is true, last weekend, renowned villain sidekick and Bone Snapper junior member Kid Bang actually managed to do something heroic. He stormed across the island of St. Martial and stopped complete chaos from tearing about this fragile island. For reasons unknown, fighting had broken out in the area between several different factions. The Family were getting fried by Freakshow. Ancestor spirits were locked in combat with Nerva Spectres high above the city. And something had gotten the Devouring Earth worked up into a frenzy! I actually saw a Tree of Life running right down Recluse Avenue!

Now, ordinarily, the Little Banger wouldn’t have cared. The more chaos in the Isles, the more spoils I can claim, Thénardier-style. For those who have no idea who that is, you should sue your high school English teacher.

But, everyone knows you don't go and have an out and out street brawl in St. Martial. The island is already a hot bed of supernatural activity, and those big obelisks you see around the Golden Giza? They ain't just for decoration. The obelisks are the only things keeping the demons from chowing down on John and Jane Q. St. Martial. And these thugs weren't paying all that much attention to what was being caught in the crossfire.

Now, me personally? I've had enough problems with demons over the years, so I single-handedly went out and stopped the war myself. I risked life and limb to save the good people of St. Martial! The whole island owes the safety of their souls and plasma TVs to me! I'm expecting a check in the mail any day from the ungrateful bums who live there.

Now that you know the truth, I need to address those ugly rumors I mentioned earlier.

1) I was not the one who caused this situation in the first place. I don’t know where the media gets this kind of thing. Doesn’t anyone do research any more? I wasn’t even around St. Martial last week.

2) I didn’t step in because that jerk Hardcase threatened to rip my limbs off unless I fixed the mess I started.

I have no idea how these ridiculous lies got started! I am in talks with my lawyers about suing your publication for contributing to these baseless rumors!

Before I close this letter, I just wanted to leave a little completely unrelated note for some of our younger readers: when a hot chick asks you to cause some Isles spanning gang war just to liven up a dull weekend, it’s probably a good idea to pass. No matter how cute she is under all that crazy clown makeup. Oh, Vivacious Verandi…someday, you will be mine.

Thank you for your time!

Kid Bang